"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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