just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
