stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
