i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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