did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
