here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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