I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
