Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
