Don't you send me to vm
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
