u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
