living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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