you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
