My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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