if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
