why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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