it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
