barbara walters just said penis...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
