am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
