Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize