I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
