i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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