She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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