Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
