I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
