Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
