The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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