I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
