i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
