Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
