Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
