he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
