I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
