Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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