There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
