I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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