I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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