I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
