i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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