i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
