Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
