What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
