So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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