Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
