I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
