I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
