I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
