He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
