His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
