Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
