Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
