sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
