ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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