Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
