By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
