wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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